I should be writing a paper instead of updating this old thing, but I'm not.

One of the first things I thought of upon checking this old place and reminiscing about my posts was that I really should get around to changing the title. I definitely did indeed spend a month in Tokyo and I definitely did indeed spend most of it studying at Sophia University, better known in the native language as Jouchi Daigaku (上智大学). But really, as I'm wont to do on big trips like that one, I wasn't committed enough to actually dole out an entry a day like I had hoped. Hopefully the historians will be able to forgive me for that should my life story somehow become imperative to learn. I like to think I made up for the lack of text with 700-plus digital photos taken. That should equate to at least 700,000 words, if the colloquialism isn't wrong.

But I digress. Yet again.

Really, I've been digressing from a lot of things today. I still have another paper to write about a memoir that I actually really enjoy, but I'm ironically abandoning that project temporarily to pursue this one.

I don't understand how I think either.

That being said, I thought I would take the time to let my mind meander post-trip and do another quasi-stream of consciousness blog with no real structure, but plenty of contemplation a plenty. I suppose a reflection on the trip and also my current relationship with the Japanese language as a whole fits into the mission of the blog, whatever that might actually be.

Let's proceed, once more, into a blog entry with italicized headings a plenty.

Man am I glad to not be studying abroad for another year in a row.

I really loved my time at Sophia University. Adored it. I may very well reapply to go to that school again either under the auspices of study abroad again for a much longer term or just on my own time. Who's to say which way I'll go? But alas, I'm still glad to not be repeating the process for another summer. The reasons are mostly personal and circumstantial. While I am a student at heart, the workload at Sophia at a time that was otherwise still vacation for me wasn't something I enjoyed. I love to learn, but I love to just live even more and sometimes that means separating education from my life. My brain needs time to cool down after what are usually fairly intensive academic fall and spring semesters, even if I tend to go about them with a somewhat casual air while they're still in progress.

But really, it also doesn't hurt to not have to fill out so much damn paperwork. Form-filling, bureaucracy, and I haven't ever gotten along completely well, so suffice it to say that I found the application process last year to be tedious. It went for a very good cause, but I also didn't want to replicate the hassles of fetching gobs upon gobs of legal forms, writing frivolous essays in which I somehow justify my motivations for applying, and just putting up with the amount of time required to get every single last detail nailed out. I can very easily grind through them if I absolutely have to. This all ultimately ties into my next thought, which can be summed up as...

Man am I glad that I'm going there this summer just for vacation.

I like to think that I'm studious and work hard when situations call for it, but I also appreciate downtime. Peace, I've found, is a necessary counterbalance to impose upon one's own life in a world often filled with hectic anarchy. Going to Tokyo under a study abroad program is a move I'm glad I made; it gave me great primers on how to get around Japan, gave me first-hand interactions with natives, and really just gave me the opportunity to live in such a vibrant international capitol.

The main problem with all that is that the nature of the program had a knack for getting in the way of my free time. I deliberately made sure I had as much time as I could spare to just roam Tokyo and aimlessly explore the streets, but the reality was that I also had commitments to fulfill while I was there, which meant I had to unfortunately put some of my own personal goals aside. Chief among these was conversational Japanese practice; the fact that a good chunk of my time was spent in English-speaking environments coupled with (admittedly) my own shyness meant that I wasn't necessarily in the best environment to practice spoken Japanese, as well as the general issues attached to being a newbie to the language in general meant that my competence probably didn't perceivably go up at all. While that example had some personal issues mixed in as well, the overall point is that certain factors at the time both within and beyond my control inhibited certain goals and desires I had in mind.

Since I more or less decided as soon as I had returned to the US that I would be travelling again to Japan in the summer of 2010, I wanted to do the trip entirely on my own terms. Save for a vague travel itinerary that might dictate when I change cities, I want my next trip to be without any inhibitions whatsoever. I'll decide how my day goes entirely and take it from there. This should ideally give me opportunities a plenty to pursue longer-term goals that I was unable to really address the first time, especially linguistically. Hopefully operating entirely freely will allow me to really try my hand at conversational practice in non-academic settings, for example, which is ultimately a matter of admitting to them upfront that I'm still very new at the language and that if they could kindly reply to me slowly, it would be greatly appreciated. That one is bound to require repeat trips and continual immersion, but having friends along with me on the trip that I've been studying Japanese with since day one should make it significantly easier. Two or three of us can probably get through a Japanese conversation much better than just me as the only speaker in the group.

This mentality also spills over into more immediately attainable goals, though, like visiting areas I neglected on the first trip. This is especially true with places outside of Tokyo in general, which is why I'm going to try to go to great lengths to visit other places (and especially the countryside!) in much greater detail when I return this coming summer.

I'm getting tired. I'd better stop this now.

I was going to ramble on a bit about how Japanese classes have gotten more difficult over the new semester now that the credits actually count towards my major and not just general language requires for liberal arts students, but really that just boils down to me having a no shit Sherlock moment and remembering that the writing nerd in me loves the opportunity to expand his methods to express himself and is ultimately okay with it.

Dammit, that wasn't really a concise summary anyway. Urgh. You get the, er, gist, though. Probably.

Anyway. I'm sleepy. I need to shower. And I have the Persona 3 soundtrack I bought from the lovely Tower Records in Tokyo playing in my headphones right now. Now's probably as good a time as any to stop this. So I will. Here's hoping I just might remember to actually post more material in the future. Without every proofreading it, of course.

T-Minus Two Days....

This is the third blog post I've attempted to write here, knowing full well that whichever one I get around to finishing would probably be the last one I'd publish before heading out. Nonetheless, I figure that I should get around to posting something on here since, after all, I managed to do so on my other blog over at Giant Bomb. But what to talk about? In the previous versions, I attempted to use my trademark rambling to once again be one-track and discuss specific topics. Maybe it was the time of night or something, but none of those ever really worked out. So let's go for something a bit more anarchic this time and just talk about what's going through my mind now that I have less than 48 hours before I leave this house and once again embark on an international journey. What purpose this will ultimately serve is beyond me, but, really, when has that ever been a concern of mine? With that said, let's go through each of the main thoughts one by one and take it from there.

I still have a long, long ways to go with Japanese, yet already I'm at a point where I can't turn it off.

I think one of the main signs that you're really embracing a foreign language is when your mind is able to automatically switch to it when even the slightest triggers provoke it. Most anything can make it happen. A store sign telling you that they've restocked. A passing conversation about trivial things from ordinary life. A book title you glance at on a shelf. You don't have to be anywhere near fluent to enter that mode of thinking in the other language; you just need to be eager and willing to learn new things from the world around you. In my case, I can't look at ordinary Japanese characters without assigning meaning to them, nor can I listen to native speakers and easily dismiss them when I'm unable to comprehend everything. I've already reached a point in my life where Japanese really is a part of my daily life, so in turn, it's natural for me to more or less have my faculties for it turned on 24/7. Sometimes I may skip more complex text if my mind is too tired and I don't wish to strain it further, but in the end, my modest Japanese comprehension is a specter that is bound to hang around my constantly. And just like when it happened with Mexican Spanish, I'm nothing short of glad it's there to stay.

Going over to Japan for the first time as a non-native speaker is a scary proposition.

I'll open admit that there are times when I get really nervous about the proposition of spending an extended period of time in a country whose language I can't speak as well as the natives. One of the main reasons why Australia was the first country I visited abroad was precisely because I didn't want to worry about language and potential cultural barriers at the same time. Now that I'm older, I'm willing to go more and more outside my comfort zone, and going to Japan and using my Japanese in a realistic, non-academic environment is bound to push what I find to be comfortable. After all, as much as I may malign my home for being dull and unchanging, like a lot of people, there are also times where I take comfort in knowing that some things are constant and familiar. The fact that I don't have that luxury in a place like Japan, at least for now, is a bit of a scary proposition. But I also know that environments where things are stagnant and don't change aren't conducive for personal growth. It's with that knowledge that I'm ultimately okay with and even thoroughly excited to spend a lot of time in Japan. I always learn the most about myself when I'm on adventures I choose to have myself and I have no doubt that this trip will be true to that once again.

I studied what I can, but in the end, the true studying comes from just using Japanese there everyday.

I got about halfway through my Japanese textbook review before I ultimately ended up calling it quits. Originally, I just wanted a brief break while I work on the latest Shin Megami Tensei installment for the DS, a game I liked quite a bit. But the more time I went by, the more and more I realized that I could only push myself so far before the regurgitated knowledge would be too redundant to be worth covering again. It's an issue I tend to run into quite a bit during finals season; by the end, the knowledge has typically been discussed and re-discussed so much that it does me no good to try going through it yet again. Such was the case again with Japanese, although to be honest, I'm not worried. In the end, I still have a lot to learn about the language anyway and, apparently, I've already covered a considerable amount of ground for an upcoming second-year student. Any deficiencies will probably be addressed quickly enough as I encounter them in the field and it's the only real way to do things anyway.

I hope my conversational skills go up a notch or two while I'm there.

The main stumbling block which prevented me from reaching practical fluency in Mexican Spanish was that I simply didn't have enough conversational practice, a huge necessity when learning any language since that's where the nuances genuinely come to life. I had a theoretical understanding of the majority of the grammar points, but in the end, just reading and writing fluency can only do so much good for you. That's why I was glad the way the Japanese curriculum was executed this past school year was significantly different compared to Spanish; conversational practice was a must virtually every day and as a result, I became a lot more confident in my Japanese verbal abilities in just a few months than I had ever been with half a decade of Spanish studies. Now with this upcoming trip to Tokyo, I hope some down-to-earth field testing of my verbal skills will push me to express myself in the language more naturally as time goes by. From my own experience, a month can suprisingly do a world of good for verbal fluency. When I went to Australia, I became very good friends with a Chinese student, the only member of the group who didn't speak English natively. He went from being able to barely string cohesive sentences slowly to confidently being able to carry on conversations with everybody by the end of the trip. Granted, the guy was a bit of an English prodigy in his homeland to begin with, but I still hope I get to experience something similar with Japanese over the course of this trip. I don't want to be limited to being able to express myself well with only words again and I intend to try my hardest to make sure my verbal skills match my written ones eventually.

Man, that exchange rate is a real jackass.

Tokyo is already considered a city with very high standards of living to begin with, something I don't necessarily have a problem with because I imagine my bargain-hunting skills will come in extremely handy. Rather, the more irksome issue is more of an economic one; even since the world economies entered a recession, the exchange rate between the yen and the US dollar has been a depressing sight to see. The fact that I ended up exchanging my money a few weeks ago to prevent further loss of money, rather than the usual idea of getting the most bang for your buck, is probably indicative of how poor the state of the exchange rate really is. Sometimes you just have to cut your losses and hope for the best, although suffice it to say that it's not an easy thing to swallow at all. I exchanged a lot more money than I'll probably need in the end, so I'm not worried about coming up short and having to exchange more at the last minute. I just can't help but wish the economy was in a better condition; being able to get more yen per dollar would be more financial reassurance, if nothing else.

It needs to be Saturday already.

It's Thursday and summer break has been going on for well over two months. I'm typically an extremely patient fellow, but now that I'm getting really close to flying out, I'm wishing the day would arrive a lot more quickly than it seems to be. Irony is a real jerk sometimes.

And with that said, I think we're done for now. It's 7:43 in the morning, so after all this writing, I'm not particularly inclined to write a conclusion. You probably know how I write these things by now, so feel free to just make up the remainder of this blog for yourself.

And now we enter the home stretch.

I've never really told anybody this except for the mother unit in passing before, but the decision to even apply to this summer's study abroad gig was actually a very spontaneous one. As in, within about the span of roughly 20 seconds, I decided to just up and do it. You see, the original plan was to just wait until junior year and then do the typical thing and apply for a year-long program somewhere in Japan. That's still my intention, definitely, but early into this school year, I had the realization while biking back from a class that I might benefit from doing a summer program beforehand. This was primarily because I believed that a summer program would enable me to culturally acquaint myself with Japan personally so that when I returned for a much longer stretch of time, the culture shock issues wouldn't be nearly as profound. I figured that the logistics of going to school over there for year were hard enough as it was; culture shock would just compound the issues. Thus I essentially decided on the spot that I would at least try to get into a summer program and see what happens. If nothing else, it would acclimate me to the application process so it wasn't foreign to me the next year.

Judging by the fact that just yesterday I bought my plane tickets to Tokyo, however, I think you can gauge how successful I've been in my endeavor thus far.

Getting to this point is surreal. There really is very little left to do now. Just buy a few supplies like a camera and laptop, withdraw money from the savings account to exchange over there. You know, the works. When I went to Australia when I was 16, I had help in the application process from the mother unit. I think it's to be expected at that age, really. International trips naturally involve a lot logistical issues and they're really too much to handle at that age if you don't already know the ropes. I don't think too many teenagers really know that early in their lives.

It's with that in mind that I think I'm prouder and more content with my efforts to set up my trip to Tokyo than I am with Australia. Mind you, Australia changed my life, but getting from point A to point B was a much simpler matter in retrospect than achieving the same thing for this upcoming study abroad program. Save for a recommendation or two and other miscellaneous things, you really are left on your own to make things happen. It's up to you to let the university know you want to do it in the first place. It's up to you to fill out the mobs of forms and occasional essay once you're committed to going. And, if you're like me at all, it's up to you to figure out how you're going to pay for it, too. In the end, as long as you don't let the inevitable obstacles bog you down too much, things do end up working out in your favor. But when you come to the realization that you managed to achieve this much, you can't help but be in awe at yourself that it's possible for one person to do all that in less than a year.

To put it into perspective, I believe I put far much more work and man hours into applying to study abroad in Japan than I did to attend the University of Colorado. Both are difficult, but if a mere program within a school requires more work than getting into the school itself, I think that's cause for a little bit of self-celebration. So don't mind me if I indulge myself a bit.

Perhaps this time is especially surreal for me personally just because the program, as well as the time of year itself, means a lot to me. I chose to apply for college and opted for the major I did because I wanted to prove to myself that I could take charge of my life and that my dreams didn't have to just be dreams if I worked towards making them a reality. My older sister may have stopped beating and yelling at me years and years ago, but it's been a long time coming for me to reach the point where I'm confident enough to not let the mental scarring deter me from doing whatever I truly want in my life. It's always a liberating thought for me to know that; my life had felt so anarchic and out of my control because of my youth for so long that I think it took me longer than a lot of people to realize I had the potential within myself to be an independent human being. Living the college life has thusly been an extremely important stepping stone for me. Despite the complaints I might have about certain aspects, overall it's proven my theory about self-realizing my own autonomy to be true. Applying for and getting accepted to study over in Tokyo come to Japan is therefore an expansion upon that point, providing more validation for it.

I probably couldn't be happier knowing that my idealistic theory about living life could actually be true. That's what the chance to go on this trip really means for me. More than anything, it shows me that I am empowered to bring about change for the better in my life, that if I work hard enough at it, I'll eventually get the ending I'm looking for. Maybe it won't be a perfect journey without problems, but just the fact that it's possible to really overcome them if I try hard enough is something I'll probably be forever amazed at. Nor do I want to lose that awe, as that's what drives me to keep going. My past isn't my present and this trip ensures that I'll work hard to keep making that true.

Such is what it feels like for me personally to enter the home stretch of this study abroad process. The applications are done. The arrangements have been made. All that's really left is to wait until it hits me full throttle.

Then the real charades begin.

And that excites me to no end.