I'm wandering around without much of a plan. And that's okay.

The ironic thing about the university life is that despite the relatively low percentage of people who actually go on to have a job in which they can apply their major, you're supposed to have a definitive plan of some sort along the way, "ideally" just as you're starting your freshman year. Those who can't really decide on what to major in and, by supposed extension, what direction they want their life to take are able to be open option, usually until junior year, but the point is that by the time you put on that graduation cap, you're supposed to have had some revelation about how you want to lead your life and then work towards it accordingly. That's fine and dandy for the idealists who happen to believe that everything will work 100 percent of the time and that they won't run into major obstacles. I, on the hand, subscribe to a different school of thought, one which only has just enough of a plan so I have some sense of direction without feeling lost, but with enough flexibility so that the details themselves are all penciled in and not set in stone. There's just something to be said for merely abiding by the ebb and flow of life until you know when the right opportunities appear that need your own intervention.

With a major like Japanese, a lot of people have asked me what I exactly inted to use it for after I graduate from CU. Assuming that I don't tell them flat out that I have no set graduation date and that I am in fact okay with going over four years for my education, my answers vary. Sometimes I want to teach English over there. Sometimes I want to do work for a creative company, ideally writing manga or designing games. Sometimes I just want to be a TA for a while like good old (but very young) sensei. The point behind having such a varied stable of answers is simple: I picked Japanese as my major so that I could be extremely flexible, taking on occupations that both appeal to me and are attainable in times of economic downturns. Picking a foreign language as a major allows you to learn another manner in which to express yourself as a human being, an invaluable skill which has numerous applications. It may not train me to enter any one field, but being able to communicate with most anybody who speaks the language more than makes up for it. You learn how to connect with other people from a variety of backgrounds and, in turn, even if you enter a field you may not have the most knowledge about, an added language can still open those doors. If nothing else, an additional tongue on the resume has nothing but benefits, for its usefulness does not sway with political climates or economic conditions; people will always need to communicate with each other and to that end, an additional language will inevitably come in handy some how.

That isn't to say that there is anything wrong with specializing in something more specific; indeed, there are other skills besides knowing a language one can pick up which has universal applications as well. What I ultimately mean to convey is that a lack of specificity in your life's plan can also be highly beneficial as well. If you allow yourself to be open to more than one path, then the detours don't necessarily become so detrimental, if at all. They instead become tangents and should you choose to continue down them, whether it's for curiosity's sake or for any other reason, sometimes opens up wonderfully unexpected opportunities. 

As a personal example, my school, the University of Colorado at Boulder, was not my first choice, but rather a backup. During the application season in the fall of 2007, I really longed to attend the University of Chicago. A quirky, but extremely respected school, it seemed to be the sort of place which would accent my sensibilities quite nicely. When I got rejected from there because of space issues, however, it turned out to be a really good thing; the subsequent acceptance to CU Boulder enabled me to actually join an educational community which could better foster my interests. Sure, there might be aspects of the populace I would come to have problems with, but when considering that I actually ended up in arguably the school for western/midwestern students longing to learn Japan, I don't bemoan the rejection from Chicago at all, for, in the end, it enabled me to connect to a bunch of like-minded people I came to adore and just realize how deep my passion for the Japanese language runs. And that was all because a denial letter forced me to go on a tangent of sorts.

After that point of getting into CU Boulder, however, I've been improvising what I want to do with my life as I go. I have to say it's worked out pretty well so far. Real independence like moving out to a new town without having the family in tow has done wonders for helping me understand myself even better than before. When you have no specific direction you want to go besides forward, you open yourself up to plenty of opportunities to grow as a person without putting up any real limitations whatsoever. The decision to study abroad earlier than expected this summer, for example, proved to myself that I really do have the dedication to devote multiple months of my life to making something happen if I genuinely want it. From late night essay-writing sessions to numerous budget-crunchings at every turn, it's shown me a side of myself which embraces dedication even amidst the uncertainty of the end result. All because I decided one afternoon to do something on a whim and see where it led me to in the end.

The power of compulsive human thinking really is a force to be reckoned with.

In the end, while it's good to have a plan, I think it can be best for one's own mental health if not everything has to definitively happen. Nothing that goes wrong ever really results in the end; it's life. It's always in the present and so you're always free to dictate and change its course when necessary. That's the beauty of just improvising life as you go; if you find something you really love you can keep on going that way contentedly, but if not, shifting towards a different horizon also does no harm either. I can't seriously answer those questions which ask where I think I'll be in five years from now. I don't want to know because half of the surprises in life come from the unexpected. I'll get to that point when I get to that point, but now, all I care about is whether I like where I'm going or not. And so far, that philosophy hasn't failed me once.

And now we enter the home stretch.

I've never really told anybody this except for the mother unit in passing before, but the decision to even apply to this summer's study abroad gig was actually a very spontaneous one. As in, within about the span of roughly 20 seconds, I decided to just up and do it. You see, the original plan was to just wait until junior year and then do the typical thing and apply for a year-long program somewhere in Japan. That's still my intention, definitely, but early into this school year, I had the realization while biking back from a class that I might benefit from doing a summer program beforehand. This was primarily because I believed that a summer program would enable me to culturally acquaint myself with Japan personally so that when I returned for a much longer stretch of time, the culture shock issues wouldn't be nearly as profound. I figured that the logistics of going to school over there for year were hard enough as it was; culture shock would just compound the issues. Thus I essentially decided on the spot that I would at least try to get into a summer program and see what happens. If nothing else, it would acclimate me to the application process so it wasn't foreign to me the next year.

Judging by the fact that just yesterday I bought my plane tickets to Tokyo, however, I think you can gauge how successful I've been in my endeavor thus far.

Getting to this point is surreal. There really is very little left to do now. Just buy a few supplies like a camera and laptop, withdraw money from the savings account to exchange over there. You know, the works. When I went to Australia when I was 16, I had help in the application process from the mother unit. I think it's to be expected at that age, really. International trips naturally involve a lot logistical issues and they're really too much to handle at that age if you don't already know the ropes. I don't think too many teenagers really know that early in their lives.

It's with that in mind that I think I'm prouder and more content with my efforts to set up my trip to Tokyo than I am with Australia. Mind you, Australia changed my life, but getting from point A to point B was a much simpler matter in retrospect than achieving the same thing for this upcoming study abroad program. Save for a recommendation or two and other miscellaneous things, you really are left on your own to make things happen. It's up to you to let the university know you want to do it in the first place. It's up to you to fill out the mobs of forms and occasional essay once you're committed to going. And, if you're like me at all, it's up to you to figure out how you're going to pay for it, too. In the end, as long as you don't let the inevitable obstacles bog you down too much, things do end up working out in your favor. But when you come to the realization that you managed to achieve this much, you can't help but be in awe at yourself that it's possible for one person to do all that in less than a year.

To put it into perspective, I believe I put far much more work and man hours into applying to study abroad in Japan than I did to attend the University of Colorado. Both are difficult, but if a mere program within a school requires more work than getting into the school itself, I think that's cause for a little bit of self-celebration. So don't mind me if I indulge myself a bit.

Perhaps this time is especially surreal for me personally just because the program, as well as the time of year itself, means a lot to me. I chose to apply for college and opted for the major I did because I wanted to prove to myself that I could take charge of my life and that my dreams didn't have to just be dreams if I worked towards making them a reality. My older sister may have stopped beating and yelling at me years and years ago, but it's been a long time coming for me to reach the point where I'm confident enough to not let the mental scarring deter me from doing whatever I truly want in my life. It's always a liberating thought for me to know that; my life had felt so anarchic and out of my control because of my youth for so long that I think it took me longer than a lot of people to realize I had the potential within myself to be an independent human being. Living the college life has thusly been an extremely important stepping stone for me. Despite the complaints I might have about certain aspects, overall it's proven my theory about self-realizing my own autonomy to be true. Applying for and getting accepted to study over in Tokyo come to Japan is therefore an expansion upon that point, providing more validation for it.

I probably couldn't be happier knowing that my idealistic theory about living life could actually be true. That's what the chance to go on this trip really means for me. More than anything, it shows me that I am empowered to bring about change for the better in my life, that if I work hard enough at it, I'll eventually get the ending I'm looking for. Maybe it won't be a perfect journey without problems, but just the fact that it's possible to really overcome them if I try hard enough is something I'll probably be forever amazed at. Nor do I want to lose that awe, as that's what drives me to keep going. My past isn't my present and this trip ensures that I'll work hard to keep making that true.

Such is what it feels like for me personally to enter the home stretch of this study abroad process. The applications are done. The arrangements have been made. All that's really left is to wait until it hits me full throttle.

Then the real charades begin.

And that excites me to no end.